MY STORY: PART 3

It’s the little things in life that mean more to me than being skinny ever could – laughing, my reggae dance class, yoga, eating chocolate whenever I feel like it, reading a good book, socialising, watching TV and getting fresh air every single day. My own personal view of healthiness now equates to my happiness. In my final year of university, I can say that I have never felt more content with my relationships, degree and extra-curricular activities.

I can’t admit to have lost all of pre-recovery thoughts, my compulsive need to exercise and the occasional thoughts about what I’m eating. I can’t say that I don’t have days where I really hate the way I look or think I could lose a bit of weight. However, I have completely subverted my thought process. Everyone has those days where they feel like shit. They have times where they don’t want to look at themselves in the mirror and it’s completely normal to have those days. I no longer exercise as a way to burn calories but instead exercise because it clears my mind and makes me feel stronger. I no longer have an obsessive and restrictive diet because it made me miserable and the days longer and duller.

My idea of health will not equate to someone else’s. The point I am illustrating is that health is a remarkably individual and personal concept that cannot be transcribed to others. Being in good health should mean that we are physically and mentally well: not what size we are, not how often we go to the gym and certainly not restricting ourselves from the food we love.

I think that the journey to health and happiness is a long and hard one. I have found it especially difficult to root ‘balance’ and ‘moderation’ at the core of my being because it has taken me a while to work out what they mean to me and how they can be implemented. Sometimes it is good to ask yourself if you have fond and constructive relationships, loving people surrounding you who make you a better person or whether you are willing to accept yourself for who you are.

Realistically for me, life is about the things I do to make a positive change for a wider community, rather than what I look like. When I die, I don’t want people to remember me for having long blonde hair or big boobs. I know the people who love me won’t, they will always value me as a person.

When I place body image insecurities in the broader context of life, it’s not that they don’t matter (whatever makes you feel some kind of emotion matters), but it helps me to realise that they are minor slip-ups and obstacles that can be overcome with some self-love and care. Instead of picking on the things you hate, pick on the things you like. Your shoes, your eyes, your lipstick.

Learning to love yourself is so much harder than learning to love somebody else. But, try it. You might find yourself smiling more often.