Heidi

'So when I was 7 years old, my mum and dad officially split. I never knew how much this could effect me as an adult. My mental health became a big thing from an early age and many things built up overtime, I just didn't know it yet.

I was one of the bigger kids at school and I was so insecure about my weight and image. My skin was in a pretty bad condition too, as I've suffered from psoriasis from the age of 7, so all of this knocked my confidence at school. Social media didn't help anything either, but again, I didn't know this would be an issue.

I enjoyed school and I had a couple of different friendship groups, this was one of my big downfalls, which sounds confusing, but all I wanted to do was please people and make them happy. This was another thing that built up over time, to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I found it difficult to stay with one group because I wanted to be friends with everyone, I just wanted to be the person everyone liked and I don't think this helped me in any way. This was part of my anxiety and depression, which first started properly at 16 years old. I knew at the back of my mind, that I didn't want this to be something I had, so I put it to one side and just carried on like everything was ok. Exams were hard too and this didn't help my mental health either. I had my first proper breakdown at 16 and this led to bad habits like binge eating and hiding away in my room, every night when I finished school.

Luckily, school helped in many ways and kept me busy with work, so I didn't have to be in my own company or have lots of thinking time to myself. Long term, this didn't help.

Looking back now, I tried to be someone I'm not and I think that's what really got me down. Acting was something that really outshone that. I knew that if I was someone else on the stage, I didn't have to show the real me. Everything had built up over time, without me realising and I became more unaware of my mental health everyday.

This became one big ball of anxiety and depression that was ready to explode. This exploded that day I realised, at 16 years old.

As I went through my teen years, I had many ups and downs, which I couldn't control. My step mum became really worried about me and suggested that we go to the doctors and ask to do some tests, to see if I needed therapy. They said that I wasn't depressed, so I was sort of relieved but at the same time, confused!

Why do I have these feelings if I'm not depressed? Is something wrong with me? A couple of years down the line, this became more and more clear and this grew worse. I had quite a few breakdowns and dips after this point, but I knew that it would pass and I would feel better in the passing few weeks and it did.

I got to 20 and I loved being out of my teens, even though I was terrified! I told myself that this is it, I'm getting older, I really need to knuckle down. But all I knew, is that I really wanted to travel.

Last year, around April time, I decided to try something new and become a full time nannie for a one year old girl. This was such a lovely job and I adored her. As a couple of months went on, I realised how tired I was and how secluded I was from other people. This became pretty serious for me and my mental health became very unhealthy. I had to quit my job and was out of work for 2 months. My anxiety and depression became a problem and I knew something wasn't right. I had my first lot of therapy, which helped at first but my thoughts soon came back and worse than they had ever been before. I knew at this point, I needed more sessions.

This is when I met Julie. She helped me out over the period of 3 months and made me think and see things differently. She taught me ways and methods I never thought would work. Dips happened again throughout, but this became easier the more I worked on myself and took real care and time looking after, me!

It's only until a few months ago that I've actually realised, I've been through quite a lot and that I shouldn't be so hard over past beliefs of myself. I've grown as a person and I feel that I become stronger and stronger each day.

Last September I was meant to go to Australia to travel and work, but I knew my mental health wasn't great. This was something else that got me down, as I felt like I let myself down and all the people I had told that I was going. I managed to get back into work and build myself back up to save more money and pursue my dream of traveling to Australia. This was something I didn't think I could ever dream of doing with what I was going through, but it just shows it can happen if you make it happen and you have the right mind frame.

If you need someone to talk to, it's ok to ask. If you're struggling, it's not a weakness. Therapy was the best thing for me. I never thought I was going to be happy again, but I did and I am. It's ok not to be ok, take each day at a time and love yourself, self care is important!'